Ok, ok, I know it's been said everyday... "BUT I LOVE HIM". BARF, THROW-UP, VOMIT, PUKE, DUMB, HOPELESS ROMANTIC, LOW SELF ESTEEM, CO-dependant, STUPID!!!!! Quick story: I met him through his cousin who went to the methadone clinic with me. She told me he was trouble, full of bad karma and did a little jail time (a year, but in this city that make them know things, those of us who haven't ever been to jail). When she introduced us it was accidently. Her car broke down, he happened to be walking close by and I had a boyfriend. Was he cute? Kind of, Was he tall? 5'11". Was he a gangsta? Nope. Months pass by, I got rid of my verbally abusive boyfriend and was sitting at the library (where a lot of us methadone/pill poppers went, not actually in the library but in front, on steps. People knew where to sell their vic's, xanax's, perk's, oxy's, speed, black). At the time I was on a dose of 80 and taking 2 xanax bars a day. He, I didn't know yet. But he was carrying a backpack and a folder with pictures of the World's 7 Wonders, Stonehenge, the pyramids and so on. I became intrigued. He was smart? scholarly? studious? Well, that is #1 on my list of men to date. But I kept in mind what his cousin said and left it at that. Almost everyday he would stop by the library, where I read, even though I was zanied out of my mind. We became good friends, confidants, the skeletons in our closets came out. He with stories of all his drug abuse (alcocol and speed mostly) restraining orders, pepper spray, GTA's, and a girlfriend that died form a gun shot to the neck. (funny thing I never understood or questioned, was that he didn't find out she had died until 2 months after the shot and that was his girlfriend?)...WIERD. But he wore a ring she gave him, NOT on his ring finger. My skeletons were maybe not as exciting but much more degrading. My drug stories about going from drinking to weed to "black out" drinking to popping up to 60 vicodin an day... 6...0 (why lie). Having sex for pills, Craig List prostitution, stealing money from all family and friends I had lost a long time ago. Pawning my son's video game systems, the list goes on. Things that still haunt me, I will always regret, I TOLD NO ONE ELSE, BUT HIM. Big mistake I would find out later ebding up in a methadone clinic which helped tremendously to leaving me with another bad habit. We ended up being a couple for a year, March 17th was our anniversary. That day he came over, we did the typical date people have without any money, watched a movie, made love and cuddled all night. He, treating me like a queen. I thought we were made for each other, saying "I Love You" early and always walking, talking and understanding each other. BUT FROM THE FIRST MONTH VERBALLY ABUSING ME ABOUT MY PAST! I didn't see it in full, but it happened "How do I know you weren't with another man when I couldn't get a hold of you? You probably have fucked more than 100 men". That was the start. A year later, we were breaking up every other day. It went from once a month to every two weeks to once a week to every other day. I'm no angel,but when I met him I was ready to love, dedicate myself and unconditionally love someone. His verbally andemotionally killing me, "SLUT, TRAMP, PROSTITUTE, LAZY, UGLY" and then the scariest words came out of his mouth ," I'M GOING TO TELL YOUR SON YOU ARE A PROSTITUTE!". My son, 19, was quite aware of mt drug problems but it was hidden, hopefully forever, that I had went that low. Do not get me wrong I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN EXTREMELY OPEN WITH MY CHILD ABOUT EVERYTHING, BUT KIDS DO NOT NEED TO KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT THEIR MOTHER. Quick story, right? RIGHT... HE DID IT HE TEXT MY SON "YOUR MOTHER IS A SLUT AND A WHORE SHE SUCKS DICK FOR DRUGS. SORRY MAN". SO, IT'S COME TO THIS. WE ARE OVER,,, AND I MEAN OVER... YOU DON'T FUCK WITH SOMEONES CHILD. No, my son says he doesn't believe it, but who knows what will happen in the future. Will he look at my with a question? Will he hear other rumors? I DON'T KNOW BUT I DO KNOW NEVER, EVER, EVER TELL SOMEONE YOUR SECRETS, UNTIL ... WELL, FOR ME...NEVER.
- Current Mood: pissed off